Never before had I ever entertained the thought of home-schooling till this guy was born. Then … it was all I ever wanted. I wanted to be the educator, I longed to be the one to mold his mind & most importantly shape his character. I deeply longed for all these things & now I have them. And friends, it’s a hot mess. It’s not as magical as I had played it out to be in my mind. It’s so dang hard … for ME, not him. He loves everything about it.
When we sit down to write or read a story or learn square roots, my mind races … it thinks of a million other things I have to get done that day & let’s be honest, they’re not do or die type-things. They’re just things that need to get done. I’m one of those annoying list makers. I can’t sit still till my work is done, yet homeschooling calls me to sit still & not move. My instinct is to resist the stillness but I am loving how the Lord is using this very thing I longed for to refine me - as a person, as a mom & as this little boy’s teacher. The funny thing is when I let go & just embrace the moment in front of me, I have the best time & walk away so refreshed & grateful.
I honestly have no point in all of this but just to say if you’re walking out a deep desire God placed in your heart & you’re finding it’s not all it’s cracked up to be … know that it actually truly IS everything you’ve longed for & honestly even more because His plans are bigger than our wildest dreams.
It’s you & me that miss the mark … we’re the ones who need refinement. The desires of our heart were actually placed there by Him. He’s called us to do the work & our hearts long for nothing more. Once we take a step back & look at life as we know it, we will see His good work, His hand on every detail. We will fall so in love again with all He’s blessed us with, it’ll cause us to shed a tear. Or in my case, two.